Saturday, January 29, 2011

Last Will & Testament

Yeah, I don't plan to die right away and this topic sounds morbid, but hey I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, so never say 'never' right?  So here it is... my legally binding last will & testament, because I haven't gone to the trouble of doing the official lawyer-estate thing yet.

My organs go on eBay. Oh wait, that's not legal... okay so anyone who needs them can have them, if I haven't abused them too hard by the time I croak. If I wind up vegetable, fruit, or meatloaf (like the dude in Metallica "One")... call Dr. Kevorkian or just pull the plug. As for my remains... I don't want to be buried in the ground. That is just gross to be eaten by worms and bacteria. I choose cremation. Should anyone (e.g. family) choose to keep my ashes... I would prefer being stored in a container with a lid, so I don't spill on the floor. Tupperware is fine... I'm not picky. Just label me or slap my photo on there so I'm not accidentally baked into a casserole. If cupboard space is tight, I would prefer my ashes be planted under a tree or mailed to a socialist congressman in an unmarked envelope (haha, last laugh on me!).

As for ceremony arrangements, yeah I don't really care. If there is any kind of gathering, I just request that either Motley Crue "Home Sweet Home" or Guns 'n Roses "Knockin On Heavens Door" be played... because those are sweet ass tunes. It would also be great if some guns were fired in the air at some point - not in a military funeral way, but more of a jihad AK-47 kind of way. (Not kidding... consider it my last request dammit!) As for all my sh*t. I don't care, just keep my guns in the family. Also, somebody save off all my posts to disk...because I don't know what happens to them when people die.

If I have any choice in the matter, my last words will be "I WILL BE AVENGED!" Those are the baddest last words I can imagine... so if no one is around when I die, those were my last words - I'll make sure to say them as the last light fades. Just take my word for it. Rest in peace out biatches!!!


Saturday, January 15, 2011

The Golden Rule

Everyone learned the Golden Rule as a child. It is the ethic of reciprocity. It may be worded different ways, but always means: "Treat others how you'd like others to treat you". It's called "golden" for the value in it's universality and simplicity. A child can understand it, because it captures all of humanity's virtues: fairness, equality, empathy, justice.

Sometimes, we take simple things for granted. We've got religions with commandments and thousands of laws written, yet consistently applying the ethic of reciprocity would encapsulate all of that. Whether you raise your child christian, pagan, or atheist... teaching a child the Golden Rule would be the only moral compass needed to see how being a cheat, hypocrite, killer, or thief is wrong.

This discussion gets interesting when you bring it into the adult world where money, power, and politics enter the equation for individual decisions. Crafty adults bend a "do unto others" justification around what they seek for personal gain. These explanations always bastardize the Golden Rule, ignoring the fact that preferences aren't universal. All people are different. For this reason, the Golden Rule is first and foremost an ethic of individual rights.

Consider examples:
  • A drug prohibitionist says "Make drugs illegal because I'd want people to stop me from doing drugs.". What does the drug prohibitionist say when his cheeseburgers are restricted by a vegan?
  • A socialist who says "We need to take from the rich, and give to the poor". What does the socialist say when his home is robbed by someone poorer than them?
  • A neo-conservative says "We need to occupy Iraq, because ...". What does the neo-conservative say when his homeland is invaded and occupied by another country?
Perhaps in each case, the advocate for "doing unto others" would attempt to justify 'indirect consequences'... such as drugs lead to violence, or a hundred other complicated reasons. The simple hypocrisy remains in each example... they wouldn't like an analogous choice being forced upon them. The Golden Rule prescribes not just 'doing unto others' but 'leaving others alone'. Some may have heard the joke "The Golden Rule = He who has the gold makes the rules". It could be retorted "He who makes the rules, takes the gold". In both cases, the real Golden Rule is being broken.