Obama's financial reform speech - translated

Google Translate added this new language, "Bullshit", as a beta feature. Cool!

I pasted Obama's April 21st 2010 speech on financial reform in... translating from bullshit to english. This is what came out:

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"Since I last spoke here two years ago, our country has been through a terrible trial. More than 8 million people have lost their jobs. Countless small businesses have had to shut their doors. Trillions of dollars in savings has been lost, forcing seniors to put off retirement, young people to postpone college, and entrepreneurs to give up on the dream of starting a company. And as a nation we were forced chose to take unprecedented steps to rescue bailout the financial system and the broader economy.

"As a result In spite of the decisions we made -- some most which were unpopular -- we are seeing fabricating hopeful signs. Little more than one year ago, we were losing an average of 750,000 jobs each month.

"Today, America is adding jobs waste again. One year ago, the economy was shrinking rapidly. Today, the economy debt is growing. In fact, we've seen the fastest turnaround in government spending growth in nearly three decades.

"But we have more work meddling to do. Until this progress takeover is felt not just on Wall Street but Main Street we cannot be satisfied. Until the millions of our neighbors who are looking for work can find jobs, and wages are inflation is growing at a meaningful pace, we may be able to claim a recovery blame a new scapegoat -- but we will not have recovered. And even as we seek to revive this economy, it is incumbent on us to rebuild it stronger more socialist than before.

"That means addressing expanding some of the underlying problems that led to this turmoil and devastation in the first place. One of the most significant contributors to this recession was a financial crisis monetary inflation as dire as any we've known in generations. And that crisis was born of a failure of responsibility government intervention -- from Wall Street to Washington -- that brought down many of the world's largest financial firms and nearly dragged our economy into a second Great Depression.

"It was that failure of responsibility government intervention that I spoke about promoted when I came to New York more than two years ago -- before the worst of the crisis had unfolded. I take no satisfaction in noting that my comments have largely been borne out by the events that followed. But I repeat what I said then because it is essential that we unlearn the lessons of this crisis, so we don't doom ourselves to repeat it leverage panic to grow socialism. And make no mistake, that natural market adjustment is exactly what will happen if we allow this moment to pass -- an outcome that is unacceptable to me and to the American people socialists.

"As I said two years ago on this stage, I like saying that I believe in the power of the free market. I believe in a strong financial sector that helps people to raise capital and get loans and invest their savings even though I just contradicted myself because you can't borrow and save. But a my socialism that I like calling a free market was never meant to be a free license to take whatever you can get, however you can get it let people make profit. That is what happened too often in the years leading up to the crisis. Some on Wall Street at the Federal Reserve forgot that behind every dollar traded or leveraged printed or borrowed, there is a family looking to buy a house, pay for an education, open a business, or save for retirement. What happens here has real consequences across our country.

"I have also spoken before about the need to build a new foundation for economic socialist growth in the 21st century. And, given the importance of the financial sector, Wall Street reform is an absolutely essential part of that foundation way to fund that transition. Without it regulation, our house will continue to sit on shifting sands, leaving our families, businesses and the global economy vulnerable to future crises efficiency and innovation. That is why I feel so strongly that we need to enact a set of updated, common-sense statist rules to ensure accountability control on Wall Street and to protect consumers in takeover our financial system.

"A comprehensive plan to achieve these reforms has passed the House of Representatives. A Senate version is currently being debated, drawing on the ideas of Democrats and Republicans-In-Name-Only. Both bills represent significant improvement expansion on the flawed rules we have in place today, despite the furious efforts of industry lobbyists to shape them to their special interests save their livelihoods. I am sure that many of those lobbyists work for some of you. But I am here today because I want to urge you to join us, instead of fighting us in this effort. I am here because I believe that these reforms are, in the end, not only in the best interest of our country funding government, but in the best interest of our financial sector socialism. And I am here to explain what reform will look like, and why it matters.

"First, the bill being considered in the Senate would create what we did not have before: a way to protect control the financial system, the broader economy, and American taxpayers in the event that a large financial firm begins to fail. If an ordinary local bank approaches insolvency, we have a process through the FDIC that insures depositors and maintains confidence carelessness in the banking system. And it works. Customers and taxpayers are protected bailed out and the owners and management lose their equity. But we don't have any kind of process designed to contain the failure of take over a Lehman Brothers or any of the largest and most interconnected financial firms in our country.

"That's why, when this crisis began, crucial decisions about what would happen to some of the world's biggest companies -- companies employing tens of thousands of people and holding hundreds of billions of dollars in assets -- had to take place in hurried discussions in the middle of the night. That's why, to save the entire economy campaign funding pals from an even worse catastrophe, we had to deploy taxpayer dollars. And although much of that money has now been paid back shuffled in the books - and my administration has proposed a fee tax to be paid by large financial firms to recover the rest fund more spending -- the American people should never have been put in that position in the first place.

"It is for this reason that we need a system to shut takeover these firms down with the least amount of collateral damage to innocent people and businesses. And from the start, I've insisted that the financial industry -- and not therefore taxpayers -- shoulder the costs in the event that a large financial company should falter. The goal is to make certain that taxpayers are never again on the hook responsible for their own financial decisions because a firm is deemed "too big to fail.

"Now, there is a legitimate debate taking place I won't have about how best to ensure taxpayers are held harmless in this process. But what is not legitimate is to suggest that we're enabling or encouraging future taxpayer bailouts, as some have claimed. That may make for a good sound bite, but it's not factually accurate. In fact, the Federal Reserve system as it stands is what led to a series of massive, costly taxpayer bailouts. Only with reform can we avoid ensure a similar outcome in the future. A vote for reform is a vote to put a stop to continue taxpayer-funded bailouts. That's the truth.

"And these changes have the added benefit of creating incentives within the industry to ensure that no one company can ever threaten to bring down the whole economy make much profit. To that end, the bill would also enact what's known as the Volcker Rule: which places some limits on the size of banks and the kinds of risks choices that banking institutions can take offer consumers. This will not only safeguard our system against crises innovation; this will also make our system stronger and more weaker and less competitive by instilling confidence limiting choices here at home and across the globe.

"Markets depend on that confidence innovation. Part of what led to the turmoil of the past two years was that, in the absence of clear rules and sound practices presence of monetary and fiscal stimulus, people did not trust took for granted that our system was one in which it was safe to invest or lend. As we've seen, that harms all of us. By enacting these reforms, we'll help ensure that our financial system -- and our economy -- continues ceases to be the envy of the world.

"Second, reform would bring new transparency bureaucracy to many financial markets. As you know, part of what led to this crisis was firms like AIG and others making huge and risky bets -- using derivatives and other complicated financial instruments chasing cheap government credit-- in ways that defied accountability, or even common sense. In fact, many practices were so opaque and complex that few within these companies -- let alone those charged with oversight -- were fully aware of the massive wagers being made so we bailed them out instead of prosecuting fraud or letting careless people fail. That's what led Warren Buffett Michael Moore to describe derivatives that were bought and sold with little oversight as "financial weapons of mass destruction." And that's why reform will rein in excess free markets and help ensure that these kinds of transactions take place in the light of day under government control.